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Venn DiagramEven my lovely and powerful computer is getting fed up with all the multitasking. When I ask it to let me use Firefox, it rope-a-dopes me — asking, in effect, “Do you really need to use Firefox?  Wouldn’t you be just as happy sticking with your email application?”  I need to click on the little Firefox icon a few more times before the machine grudgingly brings up the browser.

I feel my laptop’s pain (something I’m sure we’ve all experienced, though possibly not on our wedding night): There are so many things I’m trying to do right now that I feel myself approaching a sort of fugue state.

On one of my “tabs” on Firefox is an uploading video that my brother Jake and I made yesterday, alerting our supporters at that we plan to shoot the next installment of our new film, Love & Taxes, next weekend — and gently asking for even more donations.

On another tab is the enewsletter-generating program I use: I plan to send out an eblast to my peeps today about a couple of improvs I’ll be doing (towards an expanded version of my monologue Andy Warhol: Good for the Jews?) in San Francisco over the next two weeks.  (The improvs — each open to a maximum of 15 audience members, so that few will be able to speak of the chaos and disaster — will be on Dec. 21 and 22 at 8 p.m. at The Jewish Theatre San Francsico; call 415.292.1233 to reserve a spot.)

Another tab holds yesterday’s article from the San Francisco Chronicle detailing brother Jake’s ongoing collaboration with Robert Reich on terrific little videos that give simple explanations of complicated policy issues.  At the same time, I keep checking my email for updates regarding an event that Jake and I are trying to put together: me interviewing Reich on stage at the Berkeley Rep in January, and filming it for use as a pilot for our new interview show, Josh Kornbluth Talks to Strangers.

There are also:

  • Word documents with in-progress contracts, a proposed budget for a possible concert film of my show The Mathematics of Change, my running diary of research and thoughts toward the Warhol piece, thoughts toward a future monologue about playing the oboe and spirituality (working title: Practice), notes from my fellow members of the Berkeley Energy Commission toward a report we’re preparing on local control of our energy production (so we can more aggressively fight global warming), and the text of President Obama’s very interesting Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech.
  • My RSS reader, which offers continually updating summaries of all the items on all the blogs I like to follow — DANGER! WILL SUCK UP ALL ATTENTION IF ALLOWED TO!
  • PDF documents with scenes, notes, and schedules for the Love & Taxes shoot.
  • JPEGs of possible locations for the L&T shoot.
  • A complete script, in “Final Draft” software, of L&T.
  • An audiobook, in iTunes, containing an unabridged recording of a complete history of the Jews (I just started it, but I suspect there may be some suffering).
  • A printer utility warning that I am about to run out of cyan-colored ink — which is actually okay, since (a) I will soon vaporize and thus won’t need to print anything and (b) I have no real idea what color “cyan” is, and suspect that few if any of my documents will need to be tinted cyan.

Which is just for starters, and does not take into account the books by and about Kafka, Brandeis, and other “Warhol Jews” that are staring accusingly at me from the bookcase, asking why I have not finished them yet; nor the pile of unsorted papers I brought back from my recent trips to India and Portland (guess which place was drizzlier); nor the fact that my new booking agent has been waiting a week for me to send him the technical requirements for my “smaller” shows (i.e., the cheaper ones); nor many other things that are now rolling around vaguely but impatiently in my head and working their way down to my esophagus, from whence they will eventually try to reflux their way back out into the world …

But really, the idea is to just start with something, right?  Baby steps.  Okay.  Right.

I’ll pee.  Yes, that is what I’ll do first.  I will pee.  Peeing is good.  It also involves stepping away from the computer, which will be a relief for my laptop and myself.  We both need some space.  Too much multitasking.  Too many tasks to be multi-ed.  Go back to a simpler time, when people left their front doors unlocked and movies cost under $10 and one person doing one task on one computer was the subject of worldwide awe and admiration.  That is what I will do.  And it will be nice.

Kindly Do the Needful

Ratna in front of the theater

Ratna in front of the theater in Chennai

“Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today,” advises the late James Dean on a poster mounted in a hallway at the U.S. consulate in Chennai.  As far as I was concerned, his latter point was especially well taken: It was Aug. 14, and I was feeling quite nervous about my first performance in India, which was to take place that evening.  For months, starting back in the States, I had been brooding — though perhaps not with the same photogenic impact as Dean himself — about whether my Berkeley-centric monologue Citizen Josh would work for Indian audiences.  Now the wait was nearly over, and in a few hours around a thousand Chennai-ites would either watch me in mute horror or respond in a warmer fashion.

My guru-looking stage manager, Bob Webb, and I had been ushered through extensive security by Ratna Mukherjee, who has been working at the consulate for over a quarter century.  I have heard people spout various theories about who might be the most powerful person in India (Manmohan Singh, the scholarly prime minister?  Sonia Gandhi, the influential widow of the former P.M.?) — but I suspect that it’s Ratna who really runs the country.  She knows everyone, has everyone’s phone number, and probably knows where all the bodies are buried (or floating).  She’s the fixer: most often, she can be seen back in the corner of the room, hand discreetly covering her mouth as she explains to someone that — no matter what anyone may have told him — he must send a car to pick us up right away.  She is also one of the most charming people I have ever met.

In fact, I’d have to say that the consulate staff, as a group, are quite a friendly lot.  Ratna’s boss, Ragini Gupta, is another warm, sweet person (her husband also works there) — and, though I met him only briefly (after the performance), Consul General Andrew Simkin struck me as a kind and gentle soul as well.  Bob and I were looking through the consulate’s library for a bookcase suitable for our little set, and both of us were impressed by the range of titles — from Jack London to Ishmael Reed.  About a month before our visit the consulate had hosted a series of events on gay, lesbian, and transgendered subjects; a sweet intern from the University of Washington told me how amazed and delighted she was, just after arriving there, to be coordinating a reception for a group of transgendered Indians — not how she had pictured life in the Foreign Service!  I thought: To all my fellow Berkeleyites who complain about how our tax dollars are spent (war, corporate bailouts, etc.), here was a government institution to warm our progressive hearts (along with, you know, public schools, libraries, hospitals, transportation …).

But I also thought: Yikes! Because the hour of my first performance was approaching, and I still had no real idea how Indian audiences were going to receive it.  And that’s when the U.S. consulate’s entire computer system went down.  Ragini had just asked me if there was anything else I needed, and I had kind of jokingly responded that it would be cool if I could run through the piece with the consulate’s staff.  So she got on the P.A. system and announced that, since there was no work that could be done at the moment, people should feel free to come to the auditorium, where a run-through of Citizen Josh would shortly commence.  And that’s how I got to try out the first half of the show for a mixed audience of Indians and Americans — which greatly relaxed me for that evening’s performance.

After the run-through, consulate staffers filled me in on some of the local lingo — often a mixture of Hindu and English (Hinglish) or of Tamil (the official language of the southern state of Tamil Nadu) and English (Tinglish).  My favorite such phrase — which I’d already encountered in emails from Ratna — is Kindly do the needful.  (Is there a nicer way to ask for something important?  I think not.)  There’s also prepone, the opposite of “postpone” — as in, Actually, I already have a meeting at 6, so why don’t we prepone it to 5? And What is your good name? — which means, well, “What is your name?” but has a little bit of sugar on top.

A car — arranged by Ratna, of course — took us back to our hotel, where we passed by several truly inspirational signs: WORK IS WORSHIPLOVE CALLS FOR A RESPONSE OF LOVE.  A GOOD THOUGHT IS LIKE FRAGRANCE.  I had been casting about for a reference to replace Isadora Duncan (in a joke about how physically graceful my friend Brian Weiner is).  Ratna had suggested the famous classical Indian dancer Anita Ratnam — and then immediately dialed a number on her magical cellphone; a few moments later she had arranged for Ratnam and her daughter, who live in Chennai, to attend my performance!

Children at the Kapaleeshwarar Temple

Children at the Kapaleeshwarar Temple

The show that evening seemed to go very well (as did the joke), and afterwards I briefly met the stunning Ms. Ratnam herself.  It was with great relief that Bob (who had done an amazing job of getting the show set up) and I returned to the hotel for a brief rest.  The next day Ratna took us to the glorious Kapaleeshwarar Temple (you can see my little video here) and I led a storytelling workshop for some very talented theater students and professionals.

And then, just like that, it was time to depart for Kochi — as we began to work our way north.  At the airport, Bob and I jokingly — but also sincerely — begged Ratna to join us on our continuing journey.  Like a benevolent but weary mother sending her reluctant offspring to their first day at preschool, she just smiled and waved us toward the ticketing counter.  Life without Ratna, we knew, would be a challenge; but in all fairness, there were many others coming through Chennai who would need her magical help — doing the needful, firmly yet always kindly — just as much as we had.

[More India-trip blogging to come.  Right now I’m in Kolkata, where I’ll be performing at the American Center this evening at 6:30.]

Video: Among the Fishermen of Kochi

In the city of Kochi, along the shore of the Arabian Sea, fishermen are famed for using age-old techniques derived from China (and, I learned, from Portugal as well).  Encouraged by Ragini Gupta of the U.S. Consulate to check out these fellows (despite my exhaustion on that busy day), I headed toward the array of curiously shaped nets and rough-looking wooden piers.  Feeling a bit shy with my little Flip camera, I was lingering at a respectful distance — but one of the fishermen smiled and waved me to come close.  (Only after my short visit with him and his fellows did I realize there would be a price — a very small one, actually! — for the interview.  These few rupees I paid must have been especially welcome, as this turns out to be the lean season for them, fishwise.)

Video: At the Temple with Ratna & Friends

Earlier in this trip (I’m writing to you from Mumbai, the fourth of six cities in this India tour), when we were in Chennai, one of our hosts, Ratna Mukherjee of the U.S. Consulate, woke us relatively early so we could visit the famous Kapaleeshwarar Temple.  Outside there is a vestibule where everyone takes off their shoes before entering; seeing me and Bob Webb, my stage manager, come in, an attendant helpfully pulled out two plastic chairs for us.  (Bob, an accomplished Bhutto dancer, is quite adroit and didn’t need one; I, on the other hand — or foot — was grateful.)  It had just rained — and so, for the one time in our visit to this southern Indian city, the temperature was not swelteringly hot (you can see in the video that it was still overcast).  The damp soil of the temple grounds cheered the soles of my feet.  The mood among the temple-goers was deeply reverential.  The effect of the numerous colorful depictions of gods — many of them stacked up in a dazzling, narrowing column at the temple gates — was to lift the spirits even of this secular Westerner to a rare level of joy (tempered only by a constant yearning for my loved ones from home to be sharing this experience with me).  A group of adorable children darted around playfully as the adults prayed.  The message of this place, as I felt it: and, not or!

Video: Bollywood Dance Styles Through the Decades

This was really fun!  I was conducting a storytelling workshop with a group of theater students in Bangalore — in the lobby of the magnificent Ranga Shankara theater, where I had performed Citizen Josh the night before — and one of the students mentioned that she’d had to give a presentation on the evolution of Bollywood dance styles.  I asked her to demonstrate, and after expressing a bit of shy reluctance she did so — and was eventually joined by many of the others (with all the students singing a musical accompaniment).

Mystery Fruit in Mumbai

Mystery Fruits in MumbaiGreetings from Mumbai, where I am ensonced in my hotel room.  I’ll be performing Citizen Josh this evening at Mumbai University.  (Showtime is 6:30 p.m., for those of you in the area.)

In my room they’ve left these two specimens of a rather testicular-looking fruit.  Can anyone identify them?  Are they safe for consumption?  And will I respect myself in the morning?

Video: Mix Mix, Eat Eat!

Here’s a little video from a workshop I conducted with theater students at a public university in the southern Indian state of Kerala.  They had first served lunch to me and my stage manager, Bob, and had laughed a lot over my inability to pick up their style of eating.  You mix the rice, at the center, with all the different sauces and other foods along the perimeter.  And you only use your right hand, for the important reason I mentioned in a previous blog entry.  In my effort to improve my technique, I’d started muttering “Mix mix, eat eat!” as I smooshed the food.  This became a popular chant among the students.  At the end of the workshop, as I departed, they all called out, “Mix mix, eat eat!”

Video: Riding with Ratna

Here’s a tiny video teaser from Chennai, the first stop in my current tour of India with Citizen Josh.  (Right now I’m in my third city, Bangalore, and about to set off for Mumbai.)  My guide is the charming Ratna Mukherjee, of the very hip U.S. Consulate in Chennai, which is the capital of the state of Tamil Nadu in the southern part of the country.  She is talking about how theater and politics are very much intertwined in these parts.

Citizen Kannagi

statue-of-kannagiA journey of 9,000 miles ends with a thousand steps.  Or so it seemed, at least, when we arrived last night at the airport in the south Indian city of Chennai.  Just off the plane we were greeted with a sign saying, “Seek to perform your duty but lay not claim to its fruits.”  As I was trying to absorb this message — not an easy one for me to receive, as I was way behind in submitting a revised version of my monologue Citizen Josh for this India tour — a smiling woman wearing rubber gloves pointed a weird, gun-shaped white device at my forehead and clicked it; it emitted a beam of blue light.  Apparently I passed this forehead test (I’m guessing she was checking my temperature, as there is much concern about the recent outbreak of swine flu in India).  Somewhat disoriented by this experience, I staggered after the rest of the passengers (all of whom had been forehead-checked as well) into one of several long lines.  Eventually I reached the front and gave a form to a man.  Then I got in another line, and when I got to the front of that one I gave another form to another man, along with my passport.  He handed my passport back to me, but as I started to step away he called me back to hand me a business card I had inadvertently included with my documents — the card was from my seatmate on the plane, a farmer named M. Jayaprakash (“Call me ‘JP’!”) from the very southern tip of India, who had spent part of our trip instructing me on the extensive history and many cultures, religions, and languages of the country I was about to enter, and expressing his polite sympathy that my own country was so relatively young and unvarious.  I smiled in apology at the Customs agent; he did not smile back.  Well, it was past midnight, and I was just one traveler in an endless line.  On to baggage claim, where I watched many suitcases go past that were not mine.  At one point, an Indian woman dressed in what appeared to be a religious garment fell down right next to me.  Instinctively, I offered her my hand; smiling, she nonetheless pulled back both her hands, refusing my help; and instantly I realized that I had probably committed two gross errors: I had reached out my left hand (which you are not supposed to do here, as — I’ve been told — it is the hand people have traditionally used to wipe themselves after defecating) and I had been about to touch a woman who was not my wife.  I felt suitably embarrassed about my dual blunder, exacerbated perhaps by my dismay that I could not at that moment touch my own wife, as she — along with our son — was thousands and thousands of miles away.  But there was also something so gracious, so charming, in the way the woman smiled at me — as if she were keen to reassure me that she realized that my insult was based on ignorance and not ill will.

Grace has been greatly in evidence during my stay here (a full day or so).  My stage manager, Bob Webb, and I were met at the airport by a woman from the U.S. Consulate (which invited me here in the first place) named Ratna, who had been worried sick about us.  For one thing, our passage through Customs had taken longer than she expected (it was now around 2 a.m.); for another, a few hours earlier she had received a garbled message on her cellphone from a “Josh” at a U.S. phone number — at a time when she had assumed I would be well on my way from our stopover in Frankfurt.  (Turns out it was from someone else, in New York, with a name like “Josh.”)  Like other Indians I’ve spoken with (including JP on the plane), Ratna has this lovely way of shaking her head in a sideways motion, with the chin kind of bouncing in its own rhythm: this gesture seems able to convey a wide range of messages, including “I don’t know,” “Well, that happened!,” “I agree with you,” and “I disagree with you, but oh well.”  As we chatted on the car ride in from the airport (she would have to be at work only a few hours later), I felt both my head motions and my American accent to be dismayingly stiff and flat compared to her innate musicality — a slice of wonderbread next to a masala.

After a relatively short car ride through the night-becalmed city (“They turn off the traffic lights after 10 p.m.!” Ratna said cheerfully as our driver boldly wove through various lanes) we were dropped off at the Park Hotel, former site of a famous movie studio (Tamil Nadu, the southern state of which Chennai is the capital, is renowned for its film industry, among many other things) — and it was a relief to step from the steamroom-like heat outdoors (even in the middle of the night) into the blast of air conditioning in the lobby.  I checked in, said goodnight to Bob and went into my room — where I fairly instantly fell into very low spirits.  Not that I wasn’t thrilled to be here — I was, and am (in fact, I think I’m already in love with this place) — but I just felt so lonely without my wife and son.  Fortunately, I was able to reach them for a video chat on Gmail; still, it wasn’t the same as being with them, of course.

The gnawing emptiness remained when I awoke in the morning from a relatively brief sleep.  I tried to think about ways to make myself feel less anxious, without much success.  It occurred to me that — perhaps like many performers — I often lose a sense of myself when I don’t have my loved ones around to reflect me back at me (if that makes sense).  Interestingly, I began to find relief when I glanced at an interview in the Music Issue of The Believer magazine, which I had brought with me (along with a passel of books about India).  It was with jazz guitarist Pat Martino, who’d had a brain aneurysm that left him with severe amnesia; since then, he has pieced himself — and his guitar-playing — back together, once again achieving a high level of artistry.  In the interview (conducted by Greg Buium), Martino speaks with a kind of poetic poignancy (“On the streets now are certain forms of music that I don’t find compatible with my intentions”).  Reading it, I was viscerally reminded that I long to be an artist who can sometimes make an intimate connection with my audiences — and I felt a deep sense of gratitude that I had been given this extraordinary opportunity to try to connect with people here in India.  And I thought, Why does it have to be so hard for me to be happy about wonderful things?

My mood lifted even further when I went down to the hotel lobby in the morning and saw Bob already there, chatting with Ratna.  Both of them are people who radiate warmth and goodwill — and in their presence I found myself unable to work up a characteristic level of neurotic anxiety.  We were driven through daytime traffic that seemed anarchic (the traffic signals were working now, but nobody seemed to notice) to radio station Chennai Live (104.8 FM on the dial), where Bob and I were interviewed (on tape for broadcast later today) by a charming young woman named Kiran Rajani.  Kiran had some thoughtful questions for me, which I answered in my typically digressive manner; when I apologized for my lack of linearity, she assured me, “Don’t worry — I’m already editing this in my head!”  Anyone who has ever collaborated with me knows that, once I realize I’m in the presence of an expert editor, I feel completely permitted to ramble.  I asked Kiran a number of questions myself, mostly about Chennai.  She is a proud native Chennai-ite, and briefed me on its history and current situation.  I won’t try to repeat what she told me, as I would undoubtedly get many details wrong in the retelling — but here are a couple of things:  The main language here is Tamil (spoken by the ethnic group of the same name), which is quite unlike Hindi (the official language of India); to my ears, Tamil sounds particularly exotic, like a waterfall of consonants.  Women here tend to be relatively conservative in their mode of dress, as opposed to more Westernized fashions farther north — not necessarily as a sign of being resistant to modernity, but rather as an embrace of the power and beauty of their traditions.  And the food is awesome.

This last detail I can confirm from my own experience, as Bob and I both had a “South India” sampler for dinner.  (Heaven, even for a secular guy like me.)  We were joined by Eric Miller, an expatriate from New York’s East Village who is a storyteller and teacher and shared with us his fascinating work with fishermen and -women who live and work on Chennai’s spectacular coastline along the Bay of Bengal.  I asked Eric what had initially drawn him here — and he said it was a traditional Tamil story called The Epic of the Anklet.  The heroine of the narrative is named Kannagi.  At the start, her husband leaves her for a dancer, and spends all their money in the process; then he returns, and she completely forgives him.  (Let me stress, right here, that this is not a coded message describing hanky-panky on my part!)  To raise money, they make the long walk together from the coast to the inland city of Madurai, where the husband intends to sell Kannagi’s jeweled anklets (their only possession with much monetary value).  Due to a nefarious trickster, the husband is falsely accused of trying to peddle anklets that had been stolen from the queen (which look similar to Kannagi’s), and the king puts him to death.  A grieving Kannagi goes to the king and tells him that her husband has been treated unjustly — eventually convincing the king that she is telling the truth.  At which point the king, to atone for his carriage of misjustice, dies on the spot.

One thing that struck me from Eric’s retelling of this story is how Kannagi’s actions (with the king, at least) could be seen as an exemplary exercise in citizenship: despite the great gap in social status between her and the ruler, she was not deterred from seeking justice.  In a democracy (which affords us much greater power as individuals than the system Kannagi lived under), each of us needs to bring our passionate concerns (with respect, but with firmness as well) to our leaders, and to one another.  Indeed, Eric agreed, he had written an article on this very subject for The Hindu, India’s largest English-language newspaper (and a sponsor of the theater festival I’m performing in), titled “In Praise of Citizen Kannagi.”  And I thought: Hey — I think I finally have that new opening of Citizen Josh for India!

And I dashed back up here to my room — where I have been able to procrastinate by writing this blog entry.  But even though it’s 3:47 a.m. here, my body still thinks it’s 3:17 p.m. (yes, the time difference from California is exactly twelve and a half hours — go figure).  So I think I’ll make myself another cup of coffee (I brought some Peet’s with me — you can take the boy out of Berkeley …) and take a stab at the minor script revisions I’ve been promising.  I’m even beginning to feel slightly hopeful about my upcoming performances.  Who knows?  Maybe the blue light that was shined on my noggin has begun to work a transformation, and I will now begin to perform my duty — though, with your permission, I may still reserve the right to lay claim to its fruits, at least up to a point.

Slouching Towards Mumbai

250px-maharashtra_locator_mapsvgA few months ago I received an email from someone at the U.S. Consulate in India, inviting me to submit my solo show Citizen Josh for inclusion in a theater festival there.  I was shocked and delighted to get this message, instantly replying that I’d love to apply.

In the succeeding weeks, after I didn’t hear back from them, I figured that my piece was out of the running.  But then, about a month ago, they wrote back to say that it was all happening.  Not only that, but beyond the original performances as part of the Metro Plus Theater Festival in the city of Chennai, my American hosts would be sponsoring a tour of five other Indian cities as well: Kochi, Bangalore, Mumbai, Kolkata (formerly Calcutta), and New Delhi.  The only thing was this: They wanted me to make the piece shorter (at about 80 minutes, it’s already my shortest show) and somewhat more relevant to contemporary Indian audiences.

Since then, in my usual mode of taking action only as a last resort, I’ve daydreamed fairly constantly about how I’m going to make this brilliant revision of Citizen Josh for India.  And as usual, the daydreaming has, startlingly, resulted in nothing that you might call “work product.”  So a few days ago I finally began to immerse myself in all things India.  I bought several books — novels and nonfiction — with an average length of about 1,500 pages; this despite knowing that I normally read so slowly that getting through even one of them would take me into my dotage.  I downloaded several audiobooks, to listen to while walking or working out on the elliptical trainer (ellipticality generally being a promising angle from which to approach new subjects, I’ve found); this was smarter, as I listen much faster than I read, but there remains the simple fact that I depart for India (with my production stage manager on this tour, Bob Webb) on Aug. 10 — leaving me not enough hours even to listen to all that stuff.

Finally, I decided to resort to the time-honored solution practiced by my peasant forebears: I Twittered and I Facebooked.  The results were nearly instantaneous — people referred me to friends, family members, and colleagues from India, or in India, who might be willing to advise me on which sections of Citizen Josh should be revised, or deleted, for my audiences over there.  That was a couple of days ago.  Since then I’ve been emailing people the script, and sometimes (when they’re close) mailing them a DVD of me performing the piece.  At the same time I’ve begun delving into one or two of the massive books I bought, and listening to a couple of the audiobooks.

I realize that in part this is the procrastination with which I precede all projects: It’s a shock for me to enter any new phase, much like jumping into a cold lake from a high cliff (something I have never done, actually), and this research handily keeps me away (at least temporarily) from re-addressing the Citizen Josh text — which is what a normal person would do first.  But there is, I hope, also a method to my madness — and as I begin (just begin) to enter into an “I’m really going to India!” mindset, I may actually be getting glimmers of how I can wrap my Western head around this particular challenge in adaptation.

Citizen Josh is about democracy — or, more specifically, one rather passive person’s serendipitous journey into political activism.  But that story, like all my pieces, is part of a larger narrative: my quest, as the child of communists, to find a way to my own set of beliefs.  Where I think I sit ideologically, at 50, is in the camp of the small-“d” democrats.  But where do I sit spiritually?  My upbringing was, in retrospect, as spiritual as it was political: We believed in a classless, Utopian future, and there was in our rituals a kind of ecstatic faith in both the correctness of our beliefs and the inevitability of our predictions.  There was no God (unless you count Marx and his pals), but there were rules that you followed, a discipline you observed, and by keeping along the righteous path you (or your children, at least) would arrive at the Promised Land: a world without exploitation, inequality, pain.

Well, it’s hard to live half a century in this world and not come to the conclusion that Utopia will never happen.  It’s even harder, perhaps, not to decide that even if it could happen, you wouldn’t want it to: just to take one reason, frictionlessness is a bad environment in which to create art.  But what I can’t shake, from deep in my bio-political DNA, is this: The last shall be first. People who are poor, who suffer, need to get their hands on the levers of power.  Not to the exclusion of everyone else, but along with everyone else.  That, to me, is a requirement of real democracy, and in the U.S. and India — two enormous “democracies” — it is quite evidently not being met.

All of which you know.  But do you know how we can try to get there, on both the political and spiritual levels?  If you do, please tell me!  But in the meantime, I will act on my suspicion that — in learning as much as I can about how democracy is working (and not) in different cultures from my own — I may be able to find some clues to what I really believe, or want to believe, or should believe.

So I begin my re-approach to Citizen Josh, circling warily around my own story, seeking a vector that will connect me both with my dear audiences in India and with myself.  And I realize, as I type these words, that what has been holding me back is, mostly, fear of failure.  And I’m thinking, Oh, just that old friend! And I’m begging my old communist gods to forgive me for this latest apostasy.  And I’m putting my neurotic shoulder to the wheel.

Which I’m sure is what the U.S. Consulate in India had in mind all along.