The guy at AT&T told me that my mom hadn’t yet ordered her services to be transferred to her new apartment.  The bill is in her husband’s name.  I explained that my stepfather has Alzheimer’s.  The AT&T guy told me that I need to answer this security question: Who is my stepfather’s favorite actor?

I thought, Who would be the favorite actor of a retired Communist union organizer?  Drew a blank — definitely not Schwarzenegger.

The AT&T guy told me that he just lost his aunt to Alzheimer’s, and he considers her death a mercy.  He said, “I’ve decided that when I turn 70, I just want to be put out of my misery.”

I said, “Don’t tell me that — I’m 57!”

He laughed.  “Okay, fine,” he said, “then when I can’t wipe my own butt.”

The AT&T guy told me that he couldn’t help me without the answer to the security question, or the four-digit passcode.  I said thanks.  He said, “Remember — don’t text and drive.”  I said, I won’t.

My mom wants me to bring her some bananas.  I will now bring her some bananas.  Then I will try to find out who Frank’s favorite actor is.  I was thinking maybe Brando, but then perhaps Frank would associate Brando with Elia Kazan, who named names. …